Skip to main content

Humpday Update #24


I want to take a minute to explain why people my age are not in my inspiration pool.

First, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.

This year is a year of learning how to properly express emotions. As odd as it sounds, there are quite a few I'm not very good at. Happiness for others, especially for people my age for example, comes out in the form of the big green monster.

I'm talking about jealousy.

 I suffer with it pretty greatly and confronting it here where everyone will now know is a little scary. But what's a step forward in the dark. Right? The whole "everyone has their path" theory infuriates me although I know it to be true. Our backgrounds and personalities lead us all to different jobs, homes, cars, friends, and talents. Alas though, my clear understanding of the theory doesn't mean I'm able to quell "it" from coming out.

Now the monster's level of ferocity varies from person to person. From family and friends to friends and strangers. Mostly, the less I know about your life the more jealous of you I am susceptible to be. As well as the factor of age. The closer to my age you are, the higher the level of mean and green.

 "A graph would be so useful right about now..."

 Anyway, the moral of the story is that I'm trying to accept and appreciate where I am in life by working harder to get where I'm not. I'm also reminding myself that aspiring to be like someone who isn't necessarily ahead of me is pretty silly. I can't move sideways, and I refuse to move backward.

My new inner monologue consists of things like;


  • My artwork/writing/pod-casting will get better if I work at it.
  • If someone says I am good at something I should believe them. 
  • Money buys things, not happiness. 
  • My decisions are mine; right or wrong.
  • I refuse to do that to get there. End of discussion.
  • All in good time.
  • "Keep it moving."
It changes per situation of course and it's sort of working so far. There are still moments where I feel bad about myself and get pretty irritable. But it's a slow process.

Not all issues can be fixed with a snap of your fingers. But boy I wish they could...




Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Humpday Update #4

So many projects, so much free time to get through them all. Having the time and the energy to do things I enjoy is a feeing I am greatly enjoying getting used to. I have a long lists of interests and projects I'm ready to dive into including; Herb Studies, Holistic Healing, and Tea Making Illustration Youtube/Videography Film/Instant Photography  My last two updates have been about my pending youtube page so I promise not to rant about that anymore.  Although I will say it's going along quite nicely. I don't have much to touch on otherwise. I have some business to attend to outside the blog so thats all darlings.
Read more

Hello April

I think everyone has the right to get REALLY excited when their birthday month rolls around. I for one, am losing my mind at the thought of giant metallic balloons in the shape of a '2' and '4'. But I'm also acutely aware of people who disregard their birthdays as the curse of aging and the yearly reminder that their lives are not going as planned. If this is the case just change your plans . I'll never understand why that concept is so confusing for people.  As a soon to be '24' I am right in the age bracket of people who feel like they've gone nowhere and accomplished nothing. It sad to see and hear, and even I have my moments. Growing up is scary and I'd like to think it always will be a little scary; no matter how old you are. Each age comes with different responsibilities and possibilities that are easy to fear. The trick to living happily is learning how to not let the fear rule you. Your birthday is a cosmic "good job yo...
Read more

Selective Compassion

So I have written about this topic before. When Paris was attacked, I was ashamed (even of myself) of the way people reacted to this country going through what they did. It was sad and we felt for them. But has anyone else noticed that we only ever feel for these "super power" countries when so many other places go through this everyday? The following is what I wrote after Paris. Every one of us is guilty. We tend not to change the color overlay of our facebook pictures for countries like Afghanistan or Syria. Most of us don't even know that China's youth is so opressed and depressed that they're locking themselves away in their rooms and even killing themselves. No one bat an eye at the college campus in Kenya where 147 people were killed. And the Paris media attention drowned out the suicide bombing tragedy in Beirut one day before. What happened in Paris is indeed a tragedy. But it brings to light how we as Americans pick and choose who to show ou...
Read more