Skip to main content

What do I do?


I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say in these situations.

So in turn I choose not to watch the videos, I choose not to follow the cases, and I choose to stay quiet.

Why?

I don't feel as though i'm someone in a position to have an opinion about all this.

This is not to say I don't feel a certain way about what I see. It turns my stomach and it scares me. Because only being afraid of receiving a speeding ticket is no longer enough, I'm now afraid of loosing my life. Cue eye-rolls from people who question my "blackness".

My early opinions were along the lines of "Well if they just listened..." "If they cooperated..." "If they watched their tone..." The way I saw it, most people of color lacked a respect for law enforcement. But now these things no longer apply. Now even cooperating can get you shot. What is respect if it's bred from fear?

I refused to believe that cops could be so cruel and downright evil. I grew up with an Uncle on the force, and a stepfather who I'm pretty sure still is (but is no longer in my life). I couldn't picture one of them, or one of their friends and co-workers, killing someone in cold blood.

Despite these things, I'm fighting an internal battle. Do I stand by my honest opinion that the lack of respect breeds hostility, or do I stand by the proof so far that they just hate us?

Yes...us.

My blackness has been questioned across the board form the way I dress, to how I talk, and to the things I like. But I am black. My upbringing and personality being different doesn't mean I'm an alien to my own race.

But I do wish I could understand them better.

I wish certain media prejudices and things I see with my own eyes didn't turn me off to indulging further into my "culture". Because If I did understand more than I do, I'd have an opinion...a valid one at that.

Once again cue the people who will bash me for choosing to keep my distance. 

While avoiding being placed in a stereotype, negative or true (as ALL stereotypes come from some truth) I already am placed in others. The Oreo, or the county girl, or whatever other names I acquired and categories I fall into. It is this division that shuts me up.

I don't feel as though I have the right to speak on what I see. I don't truly understand the struggles as I grew up away from them. I do, however, have the right to share in the pain and fear.

I have the right to let my heart break.

I have the right to wonder if someone I care about will be next.

I have the right to wonder if it'll be me.






Popular posts from this blog

Humpday Update #22

In a nutshell, I'm tired. And not the you're not getting enough sleep kind or the you're working too hard kind. If anything I'm not working hard enough! No, this tired is perpetual. Some days are better than others, but all in all I've realized I'm just a "Sleepy" type. With this realization I came to the conclusion that it's ok to be tried. Young adults get a lot of crap from "certified" adults about being tired. Like we don't work as hard or do as much, therefore our tired to them just sounds like lazy. Millennials are easily one of the hardest working age groups although it's not necessarily documented/paycheck type of work. We are the kings and queens of side hustles and personal projects. We refuse to work jobs we dislike and usually end up forming fruitful work environments for ourselves and our friends. We're bloggers, artists, podcasters, DJs, photographers, fashion designers and the list goes on. We work ...

Humpday Update #4

So many projects, so much free time to get through them all. Having the time and the energy to do things I enjoy is a feeing I am greatly enjoying getting used to. I have a long lists of interests and projects I'm ready to dive into including; Herb Studies, Holistic Healing, and Tea Making Illustration Youtube/Videography Film/Instant Photography  My last two updates have been about my pending youtube page so I promise not to rant about that anymore.  Although I will say it's going along quite nicely. I don't have much to touch on otherwise. I have some business to attend to outside the blog so thats all darlings.

Selective Compassion

So I have written about this topic before. When Paris was attacked, I was ashamed (even of myself) of the way people reacted to this country going through what they did. It was sad and we felt for them. But has anyone else noticed that we only ever feel for these "super power" countries when so many other places go through this everyday? The following is what I wrote after Paris. Every one of us is guilty. We tend not to change the color overlay of our facebook pictures for countries like Afghanistan or Syria. Most of us don't even know that China's youth is so opressed and depressed that they're locking themselves away in their rooms and even killing themselves. No one bat an eye at the college campus in Kenya where 147 people were killed. And the Paris media attention drowned out the suicide bombing tragedy in Beirut one day before. What happened in Paris is indeed a tragedy. But it brings to light how we as Americans pick and choose who to show ou...