Skip to main content

Humpday Update #24


I want to take a minute to explain why people my age are not in my inspiration pool.

First, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.

This year is a year of learning how to properly express emotions. As odd as it sounds, there are quite a few I'm not very good at. Happiness for others, especially for people my age for example, comes out in the form of the big green monster.

I'm talking about jealousy.

I suffer with it pretty greatly and confronting it here where everyone will now know is a little scary. But what's a step forward in the dark. Right? The whole "everyone has their path" theory infuriates me although I know it to be true. Our backgrounds and personalities lead us all to different jobs, homes, cars, friends, and talents. Alas though, my clear understanding of the theory doesn't mean I'm able to quell "it" from coming out.

Now the monster's level of ferocity varies from person to person. From family and friends to friends and strangers. Mostly, the less I know about your life the more jealous of you I am susceptible to be. As well as the factor of age. The closer to my age you are, the higher the level of mean and green.

"A graph would be so useful right about now..."

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I'm trying to accept and appreciate where I am in life by working harder to get where I'm not. I'm also reminding myself that aspiring to be like someone who isn't necessarily ahead of me is pretty silly. I can't move sideways, and I refuse to move backward.

My new inner monologue consists of things like;


  • My artwork/writing/pod-casting will get better if I work at it.
  • If someone says I am good at something I should believe them. 
  • Money buys things, not happiness. 
  • My decisions are mine; right or wrong.
  • I refuse to do that to get there. End of discussion.
  • All in good time.
  • "Keep it moving."
It changes per situation of course and it's sort of working so far. There are still moments where I feel bad about myself and get pretty irritable. But it's a slow process.

Not all issues can be fixed with a snap of your fingers. But boy I wish they could...




Popular posts from this blog

Humpday Update #21

My last hiatus was long and much needed.

Feeling ALL the feels, getting sick, working on side projects, and just being completely exhausted in general kept me from thinking straight enough to form sentences; let alone a blog post.

The hiatus was initially kicked off by the beginning of election season and all the horrific stuff that seemed to follow. 2016 has been a pretty gross year and I think everyone is just ready for January. Even as I tried to think of things to update you on I found it hard to maneuver around the stuff that sucks. But I did it.

I've been ignoring ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to do with the election. And not just the presidential election. In my hometown of Baltimore, even local elections are smothered in controversy and sheer stupidity. Corrupt politicians trying to run again and young newcomers claiming they know how to fix everything. Don't even get me started on the presidential election. I know who I'm voting for and that's all that matters.

My po…

2016 Wrap-Up: "Next Year I'll Do Something"

I'm not 100% sure what my resolution(s) for 2016 even was... I'm sure I set one; pretty sure anyway. But then again I don't know when I finally realized that resolutions are pretty stupid. I mean, it's mostly just something no one ever completes right? 
I guess it's just not for everybody. There are those people who can set and reach clear goals of any difficulty. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. I've learned over this past year that I just sort of need to live "free form". I don't really meet goals or milestones and when I don't I feel like I failed somehow. 
I'd rather feel refreshed and excited by trying something new or completing something old than like I have meet goals to please others or myself. 
Because let's be honest, those resolutions aren't really for you. If they were they'd be personal, not blasted all over social media so we can feel good about others seeing how hard we're trying. Hopefully 2017…

Humpday Update #23: "Project Motivation"

So what you probably can't tell from my absence is that I've been secretly working on "Project Motivation". I talk a lot about making lists, getting things done, and tackling personal projects; as well as being tired, worn out, and just plain not in the mood. All the while "Project Motivation" has been a go.

Christmas was the best time to really put things into action. I got the whole week off from work which was much needed to recharge and focus on things I really wanted to do.

I spent time with family, my boyfriend, and my fur babies and recently finally went shopping. Getting mostly things to change my living space up including a new desk and trinkets to draw me back into drawing and designing. I grabbed a graphic novel I've been wanting to start and fun bits and bobs.

The major bits of "Project Motivation" have been set into motion or completed.

Create a WorkspaceCreate/Update a Website/PortfolioStart Writing Again My new website can be fo…